Thursday, April 4

10 Ways To Calm Down After Discovering Your Partner's Infidelity

Once you find out about the affair, then the first few hours, days and weeks can be emotionally wrenching to say the least. Or, if someone you deeply care about begins "pulling away" you may also experience intense feelings. Read through this list and pick out a couple things you can do to help yourself during these times.

1. Walk. If you are fit enough to run, then run. Work out. How about getting the blood flowing? Physical exercise drains off the adrenaline and physically you feel better. Because you are caring for you, you are also thinking better of yourself.

2. Talk things out with somebody you can trust. Find someone who will listen as you pour out your heart if you typically handle problems by talking them out. Give them explicit instructions: "I need to talk, vent, cry, rage, and question. Just look me in the eye, nod your head and listen."

3. Write down your thoughts and feelings. You can get a kitchen timer. Set it for 5 minutes. Writing anything and everything that comes to your mind is what you can do to spend that time. Don't censor. "OK, there it is. Now I need to get on to other things. I will come back later and write more" is what you can tell yourself when the bell goes off. Put the writing in a safe place or destroy it.

4. Find a quiet place. Spending some time in a safe and quiet place can help. Perhaps you have a favorite lake, wooded area, park, room, chair where you feel safe and can get away. You can intentionally spend some time there.

5. Engage in an uplifting pep-talk with your self. Tell yourself, "You are ok. You will be ok. This too shall pass. What you are feeling is normal and will not destroy you." Develop that "observing part" that can speak to your turmoil.

6. Pray. Meditate. If you have spiritual resources, then use them. Now would be a good time to develop them in case you don't have them. What spirituality often does is affirm your worth and enable you to see the larger picture.

7. Be self-aware. Perhaps you have noticed what you are thinking, how you are feeling and what you are doing. Paying close attention to these chunks of your life is a must. Often creating distance from emotional pain is just noticing.

8. Encourage the rhythm of your feelings. Often as in waves, your feelings will come and go. There will be lulls and sometimes they crash. Perhaps you have noticed the intensity and frequency of the waves.

9. Try to get professional help. Getting some supportive therapy might be helpful. Often considered as a helpful phenomenon that is increasingly popular as a way to find support and direction for specific problems is personal and professional coaching via telephone.

10. Gathering resources. Start reading, exploring the internet and talking to people about your situation. Trust me when I say you are not alone. What you may not know is that there are a lot of people who have also experienced what you have experienced and are there to offer their understanding and point out the bends and turns of your road.

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